Have you ever gotten a message from or talked with a “wealthy” POT who tells you that he wants to “take care of you” and, in so doing, asks you a lot of questions about “how well you are doing financially” or about your monthly expenses? Your first reaction may very well be, “wow, this is great! This guy wants to know all about my finances because he wants to offer a large sugar baby allowance!” You want to tell him about your tuition, your loans, the bills that you need to pay, your rent and all the other details about your financial life, anticipating that his offer is going to meet all of those needs and more.
I’d think twice about doing that if I were you!
I often say that “communication is key” when it comes to talking about money, and I always encourage SBs to be confident and direct when the subject is brought up. However, there is such a thing as sharing Too Much Information when it comes to the allowance talk and, baby, TMI is never a good thing!
More often than not, a POT has ulterior motives when he invites you to share the details of your financial situation with him. In other words, he’s not asking you about the subject because “he wants to take care of your financial needs” or because he is genuinely concerned about whether you are making ends meet! He’s doing it for selfish, not selfless, reasons! He wants to “get a better deal”; he is not interested in helping you achieve your financial goals! Does that surprise you?
Here are some of the reasons why POTs (and even SDs) want you to provide TMI when it comes to your finances:
1. They want to find out how desperate you are for money.
When you are contacted by a POT, the first thing you want to know – even before whether he’s good looking, lol – is how much money he has. You want to know this because it helps you determine what he will be willing to pay for an allowance! And, that helps you figure out how much you should request. Well, many guys do the same thing with you! They want to know how much debt you have, what your bills are, what financial obligations you have, all to determine how desperate you are! They figure that, if you are desperate and broke enough, you will be more inclined to accept what they have to offer. Further, they will use your desperation against you by dangling the “possibility” of a large allowance in front of you and, in so doing, they hope that you will let the mere prospect of making some money cloud your judgment!
2. They try to convince you that your allowance expectation is too high.
Remember this: knowledge is power. When you give him information relating to your finances, you are giving him knowledge and, as a result, his power increases and yours decreases. If you lay out your balance sheet for him to pore over, he will use that information to beat you over the head. He will challenge and question your expenses and argue that your allowance expectation is too high because you can cut this expense, minimize that expense, and so on. That is a classic negotiation strategy and you should not fall for it! You don’t want the allowance to talk to be about the entries in your checkbook! Instead, you want it to be about the value you bring to the table! If you are debating about your expenses, your chances of getting the allowance you want decrease dramatically!
3. They want to take on the role of your “financial advisor” and will try to be involved with every decision you make regarding money.
Some of these guys actually think that they are “doing you a favor” by using the TMI you provide to become your “financial advisor”! The POT will give you unsolicited “advice” on how you should spend the allowance he is willing to pay or actually paying once he becomes your SD and criticizes you if you decide to “splurge” on something rather than paying down some other bill. In other words, this type of guy is nosy and annoying as fuck! Do you really want to be second-guessed on how you manage your money? Well, you will be if you tell these guys about your business!
4. They want to use the information to get inside your head and manipulate you.
Remember that I said “knowledge is power” up above? Well, that maxim applies here as well. A guy who knows the details about your finances can use that to get inside your head and manipulate you. He will be able to figure out your financial “triggers” and “hot buttons”, and believe me, will pull those triggers and push those buttons every chance he gets! He will play to your insecurities, heighten your fears and keep you under his control. He will make you feel guilty or inadequate. Much like a naked selfie that an angry ex-boyfriend posts on the internet, once you give a POT (or SD) that sort of information, you can never get it back. Be careful with the information you share!
Here is another way to look at this issue: Ultimately, there is no reason to share information with a POT regarding how well or poorly you are doing financially. If his stated goal is “to take care of you”, he can achieve that laudatory sentiment without knowing one damn thing about your finances!