When a pal is knee-deep in tissues and pints of Ben & Jerry’s post-breakup, it’s tough to know what to say. Even with the best intentions, you may find yourself at a loss for words, or worse, blurting out something totally lame. (Hey, have you heard of this thing called Sudy?)
See top relationship experts sharing something you should never say to a friend trying to mend a broken heart—and what you can do to help her get back on her feet.
Things You Should Never Say to Your Pal
Avoid saying anything that could leave your friend feeling guilty, ashamed, or to blame for the split
“I know how you feel.” your friend knows she’s not the first person in the world to suffer a heartache, right now all she is thinking about is her situation,This may lead to her feeling misunderstood, more isolated, and that you’re dismissing her experience altogether.
Your friend probably will find someone better, but now’s not the time to start planning and plotting her next conquest.
Refrain from implying that her ex is a bad person, or that getting with him or her was a bad decision in any way. Once in awhile, people get back together and all your friend will remember is what nasty things you said about her ex.
Scrolling through a sea of potential suitors isn’t the best idea for your friend right now. Dating apps and websites will only delay and distract the grief your friend is experiencing.
Your friend’s no fool, she knows she needs to get past this—“You just have to put this behind you and move on.”— but it’s a lot easier said than done.、
A lot of people try to be supportive by taking friends out and getting them drunk, but this can be one of the worst distraction tactics, as alcohol enhances feelings of sadness and despair.
What You Can Do to Your Pal
If your friend’s being really hard on herself, one of the best remedies is distraction—and that’s where you really come in handy, encourage her to take care of herself and propose activities that will make her feel better. Maybe that’s going for a walk outside or grabbing brunch.
Assure your friend that it’s OK if she doesn’t want to talk about it right now, but remind her that when she does, you’re there to listen.
One of the best things you can do is listen and not give too much advice in the beginning—and definitely don’t lecture her.Repeat back some of the things she’s told you, so she knows you’ve been listening intently.
Instead, spend time together doing something fun, or get creative with different ways of making her smile—like that involves looking through old photos from your awkward teen days.
Your friend needs time to grieve, so you should let her do just that. People need to learn how to heal and cope on their own with the support of loved ones nearby.
going to the movies, grabbing dinner, going for a walk, hitting the gym, etc. Do avoid heavy, sad movies, though!