I’m a sugar baby. I made more money in a weekend than I had in a month. Then I did it again the next weekend and the weekend after that. As I counted my cash and tried to figure out where to stash it, I wondered why I hadn’t considered sex work sooner. I was giddy with excitement. I went wild. I bought anything I wanted and a few things I didn’t even like. Who cared? I could do what I wanted. More money was coming.
I didn’t realize that money in this life doesn’t come in a constant stream. It comes in tides: high and low. It’s the smart woman that can handle both with aplomb.
I didn’t realize that money in this life doesn’t come in a constant stream. It comes in tides: high and low. It’s the smart woman that can handle both with aplomb.
I wasn’t always smart. There came a time when I had a closet full of designer goods, thousands of Instagram likes and comments, and no idea how I was going to pay my rent or buy food. I only needed to experience the panic-inducing feelings associated with scarcity once to decided that I needed to make a plan and stick to it. I’d prefer that you never know the feeling of scarcity so I’m going to share my plan with you.
Money is a tool. Know how you plan to use it. What are the things that your money or sugaring allowance absolutely has to do for you? Rent, groceries, utilities, car payments, insurance, and gas? Write it all down and don’t try to budget or dream here. You spend $100 on food a week but wish it was $50? That’s great, muffin. Wishes are fantastic things and I never want you to stop collecting them. But they have no place in a working budget. Be realistic about the places where you have to spend money and how much you’ll be spending.
Save. You knew this one was coming, yes? I’d like you to be able to quit sex work and have a year to figure out what you want to do next without seeing a change in your style of living. That’s right. A year of bills and indulgences put aside. Is this easy? Absolutely not. It requires you to hustle and avoid the temptation to ball out. But you can do it. At the bare minimum, you should have enough money to cover the slow season. Know your industry. Know when the money doesn’t flow in as quickly and get ready for it. For me, the slow season starts around the holidays and ends at the beginning of March. I put aside money all year to make sure I’m ready for it.
Pay more than they’re asking. I’m three months ahead on my rent. I’m 6 months ahead on my phone bill and a few other utilities. Every credit card is paid off at the end of the month. If you know that you can’t have cash around without spending it, this is a great way to “save”. My rule of thumb is to always pay 1.5-2 times the amount due for recurring expenses when possible. If your phone bill is $125 and it’s been a good month give them at least $188.
Pay down your debt aggressively. Your credit score is important. You won’t always be able to or want to pay cash for everything. Protect your credit at all costs.
Don’t deny yourself. We don’t do things that don’t feel good. Most budgets are about denial and scarcity. Is it any wonder that most of us can’t stick to them? What do you love? What things are an ingrained part of you daily routines and habits? What makes you happy? For me, it’s documentaries, new books, flowers, shoes, brunch and going to the movies alone. These things are included in my monthly expenses. My budget covers Netflix and Hulu, 2 new books a week, fresh flowers twice a week, at least 2 new pairs of shoes a month, weekly brunch, and solo movie dates. These are things that I save for so that I can enjoy them year round, even during the slow season.
Cut the unnecessary. Confused? It’s okay. I did just say not to deny yourself. However, there are things we buy that we know we don’t need and will probably never use. Do you have clothing you haven’t worn in six months but you’re constantly introducing more clothes into your closet? Shopping constantly isn’t a necessity for you. At least, not on your dime. Learning to curate and build outfits from what you have may be what you need to focus on instead. Are you constantly buying groceries and promising yourself that you’re going to cook only to throw away spoiled food at the end of the week? Either find meals that you’re excited to cook or change your purchasing habits. I hate cooking every night for one so I cook all of my meals for the week in one day and I choose recipes that are simple and quick. Find the unnecessary excess in your life and replace or eliminate it.
Get health insurance. I don’t know about you but I have no intention of saving a year’s worth of living expenses only to watch it all go to unexpected medical bills accumulated in a matter of weeks. Protect your savings and health. Get insurance. Ignore the voice in your head saying you’re healthy and won’t get sick. No one thinks they’re going to suddenly be ill or break a bone. Get insurance. It’s far easier to pay a few hundred a months for insurance than it is to suddenly have to fork over a few thousand.
Get professional help. It’s easier than ever to get access to legal and accounting professionals. Businesses like Legal Resources offer almost unlimited access to an attorney in your area for $20 a month. And the peace of mind that comes with knowing you have a lawyer to answer your questions or represent you if need be is worth its weight in god. The same goes for having an accountant.
Invest in yourself. Money is a tool. How will you use it on your path to success? What are your dreams, goals, and passions? If you’ll be paying for them with your own money, do you know how much money you’ll need? This includes everything from gym memberships to continual education classes and materials and equipment if you’re creative. Also, think about the things you need in your current profession. Do you need more or different clothing? Regular personal upkeep? Tools? The budget for all of this.
Live within your means. This is perhaps the most important thing we’ll discuss. You don’t need anyone’s approval but your own. You don’t need to measure your success by anyone’s standards but your own. Don’t be fooled into thinking that you need to prove you’re a success by amassing a collection of objects. Financial security is more important than a stranger’s fleeting approval or admiration. Keep your eyes on your path and turn a deaf ear to those who would want you to stray from it.
You are going to be successful. We both know it. You cannot help but succeed when you commit to your path.